Life As A Tug of War
Do you sometimes find yourself in a ‘them or me’ situation and don’t know what to do? Many of us do from time to time. It can be difficult sticking to decisions when you feel yourself pulled in another direction.
For example, a friend of mine recently confided that each time she decides to start a new exercise program or join a class, something bad happens to her (her words). Things like, one of her kids getting sick or a friend calling at the last minute and needing her help.
My friend had a complete list of reasons and events that had conspired to stop her from trying something new. Something which deep down she really wanted to do. So she gave up trying.
I’ll never get there, she finally concluded at the end of our conversation about people, circumstances, reasons, excuses, events, bad luck and the general negativity that surrounded her. ‘ It could have been fun, but too many people want me to do too many things, ‘ she noted finally. I’m not sure whether she was still talking to me at this point or had begun talking to herself, but it didn’t matter. Her mind was made up.
Funnily enough, my friend was right. She will never get there. At least not while she was continually sabotaging her own efforts by continuing to blame everything and everyone around her for her lack of action. In her defence, these events did actually occur. A close relative was ill and she had been visiting them often.
Kids also do need their mothers and friends do need a listening ear. However when we find ourselves keeping busy by being all things to all people, I think it’s time to stop, take a deep breath and reflect a little.
What We Believe
In contrast to what we are sometimes tempted to believe (that nobody really supports or helps us and everybody is conspiring against us) I actually choose to believe the opposite – that inherently other people are good and that they really do want to see our lives work out for the best. Yes, they may have needs of their own but primarily, they also want the best for us and would love for nothing more than the chance to see us achieve what we set out to.
I guess what I am trying to say is that where my friend sees a contrast between what other people want from her (and is frightened of disappointing them) and what she wants (and is less worried about disappointing herself), I see no such contrast.
A Torch In The Dark
In my view, we are all in this together. Yes, we all need the support of friends, loved ones, family and sometimes from distant weight loss bloggers! As actress Whoopi Goldberg has said, “We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.”
My sentiments exactly, Whoopi.
However it doesn’t have to be a tug of war between ‘us’ and ‘them’. Imagine how you would feel tomorrow if you stopped making the needs and wants of others an excuse for not doing things. Picture yourself going to the things you want to – those workshops, those classes, a run/walk in the late afternoons or whatever it is you want to achieve and then imagine bringing all the fun and excitement back to those loved ones who you thought were stopping you.
It’s our choice: we can keep blaming others, society, our friends and family or we can understand that everyone has a vested interest in our progress, because we are all in this together. It’s not you against the world, it’s you against you.
We care about your progress. Do you?
PS If the above post leaves you feeling a little bit uncomfortable or annoyed, that is a good sign! I only ever made big changes to my lifestyle and habits when I got uncomfortable and also altered my beliefs, attitudes and habitual thoughts.
PPS Hope you can join us in a couple of days, for Fun Friday. We will lighten the mood and get ready for a great weekend 🙂 See you then 🙂